The Tom, Dick, and Harry Store
Grand opening!
Ladies! Gentlemen! Want variety? Spice? A man for every occasion?
We are proud to invite you to the grand opening of The Tom, Dick, and Harry Store.
The idea comes from South Africa, where polygamy is already legal. The government is waiting for public approval of polyandry, women with many husbands.
We took it a step further and created our new store. With a choice of delectable products, sure to please even the most discerning shopper.
The Tom, Dick, and Harry Store assortment.
- Handy
Everybody needs one. He cooks, he cleans, he helps. Who wants to fix a toilet? Nobody.
- Cozy Comfort
Hard day? Need a shoulder to cry on? Comfort to the rescue!
- Panderer
Feel fat? Bad hair day? Generally blah? The Panderer will cater to your every whim. You’ll feel like a million bucks in a second.
- Listener
He pays attention to what you say. No need to repeat. Over and over again. This guy gets it the first time around.
- Snoutfair
Fancy name for a good-looking person. Could become a best seller. Who wouldn’t want a Snoutfair in their assortment of mates?
- Mansplainer
Boring party? Feel like going home? No problem. Raise a subject, any subject. Mansplainer will pipe up every time and talk for hours. Allowing you to drink yourself stupid. And, who knows? You might bump into a James Brown.
- James Brown
For those who need a quick pick me up any time of the day. A “Get On Up” kind of guy.
Our assortment is limited for the time being. It will expand in the future. But we all agree on one thing. Nobody wants to live with multiple mates at the same time. Under one roof!
We’ve got you covered. At no additional cost, a safe and secure manhouse is available. Owners can access their objects any time of day or night.
If the item is not functioning for whatever reason, we provide a free and temporary substitute. With the option to purchase at a later date. The original sales price will be increased by the cost of any abnormal wear and tear.
So, come on down!
Just whisper the password at the door and discover a new land of goodness.
The easy to remember password is:
fuck me
